The Rants and Raves of a Potty Trainer


“Baby. When you feel like your body is telling you there is a pee pee about to come out, you make sure you LISTEN TO YOU BODY. Ok? Ok, honey? Ok? …Ok??”

“C.! Where does pee pee go? Huh??? Where does it go?! You know, you’re so smart. IN THE POTTY, right? Right, C.?? IN THE POTTY!!! YAAAY FOR POTTIES!!! THEY”RE SO COOL!!! …what?”

“Hey hon, remember, you don’t have a Pull Up on. If you feel like a pee pee needs to come out, you need to go put it IN THE POTTY. Ok, baby? That’s all. So easy.”

“Whats your body telling you??? Any pee pee in there?”

“I GOT AN IDEA!!!! How about if you put a pee pee in the potty, I’ll give you a sticker! You can put it on the potty if you want!! What do you think? WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

“Or how about a cookie?”

“….Or one of Mommy’s South Beach bars….?”


“Ok, um…. careful, CAREFUL!!!! Don’t spill it… yes you’re a big boy, ok, carefulCAREFULCAREFUL!!!!”

“Its ok baby. Yup, mommy will pick it up.”

“Ok you can help….. um…. yup, into the potty. Ok LETS WASH HANDS!!! YAY!!!!! …hey… GET BACK HERE!”

“So. Baby? If you have poops, they go in the potty too. Ok?”

“Here, lets put the potty on the PORCH. Fun! And heres a book! Fun!! Just hang out and read your book and if you feel that poop just **PUUUUUSH**…mmmkay? Kay, baby?”

“What? Wheres the poop? Did you put it in…? ….OH! Ok. Well. It was very close, hon. So close. Not too far away at all. Yes, thank you for showing me where it is, now back up.”

“ACKDON’TTOUCHITDON’TTOUCHIT!!!!! …Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you. MOMMY just needs to pick it up, ok?”

“Ok, let’s put it IN your little potty right where it belongs, ok? And now we’ll go back to the bathroom and flush it. OK? OK? Because poops go *IN* the pottty. Right??? Right baby?”

“Um… Alright. You can carry the potty. …just… careful? ok?”

“BLAOHHAHHWATCHOUTFOR…. oh baby you tripped. Are you ok? Just stand up! Careful now. Back up, ok? You need your boo-boo bear? Um, ok. Wait here. NO DON’T TOUCH THE MESS.”

“DON’T TOUCH, Mommy cleans up, you sit with your boo boo bear, I got this. …Oh.  …You want to help?

“You get the clorox wipes, *I* get the spray. No baby, I get the spray.”

“Ok, NOW the poop goes in the potty. Bye bye poops! Bye bye! Go ahead and flush… ok… AND DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE ITS TIME TO WASH HANDS SO HELP ME GOD!!! …Yes. You can do it.”

“OK!!!! GOOD JOB BABY!!! …So… how about lets put on your Pull Up for now, ok?”

“And here’s your sticker… and Mommy’s South Beach bar.”



Filed under Children, Growing up, Panicking, Parenting, Potty Training, Teaching kids

8 responses to “The Rants and Raves of a Potty Trainer

  1. He he he. This was funny. My wife and I are going through the same thing with our daughter. She seems to be more interested in the potty when we are shopping or at a restaurant rather than home.

  2. Too funny! Hey, at least you try. I remember every once in a while to ask “do you have to go potty?”. She never says yes. We have a potty chart in the bathroom, yeah not one sticker on there.

    I figure if she’s dating and still going in a diaper, then I have a problem.

  3. LOL, that brings back memories from not too long ago! I was fortunate that my daughter started to poop on the big girl potty at 9months old!

    Today I grabbed some toilet paper instead of a tissue to blow her nose….. “Ahhh… does it have poopy on it?” she cries! They are so fun!

    Thanks for the smiles and laughs today!
    Christine Hiebel

  4. I believe that I have had that exact same conversation.

  5. Your Hot SIL (not Meryl, you doofus)

    Sigh. Do you know that just yesterday my younger 2 had a loooooong talk about how T told them that plants like pee?

    I officially hate you.

  6. SIL – Hey, as long as its not house plants, I say its fair game. And so would you brother! 🙂

  7. Your Hot SIL (not Meryl, you doofus)

    My brother is no arbiter of civilized behavior. But, surely you knew that.

  8. lol! We are embarking on this journey later this month, so thanks for the primer. 😉 So far we’ve been using gentle encouragement and a sticker chart, but that apparently got old after a couple of weeks and we’re back to square one. So it’s see ya later diapers. We’ll see how that goes!

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