While I was a college admissions counselor, one of the “standard operating” interview questions went a little something like:
“If you were to have a dinner party and could invite three people to it, who would they be?”
Well, here I am in the self indulgent sanctity of my own blogging world and I have the luxury to finally ask myself that very question. And since we are being self indulgent here, I think I may have a much longer guest list. And perhaps a red carpet, velvet rope and paparazzi out front to greet them all. So, let me introduce you to the people that currently interest me. And you are, of course, welcome to come along as well. Bring a sense of humor however, this could be interesting.
Barack Obama: I mean… duh! Have you heard this man speak? Deemed the “new hope” of presidential candidates, he is guaranteed to get the rest of the guests there – all giddy to hear him utter even the phrase “please pass the jelly”.
Whoopi Goldberg: An outstanding actress (The Color Purple changed me), I watch her as often as I can on The View. (That’s so “stay at home mom” of me, isn’t it?) She’s an example among women: smart, fearless, down to earth and absolutely hysterical.
Katherine Hepburn: A feminist before it was cool and a sharp witted wordsmith, this woman would eat you for lunch if you dare challenge her. I adore watching her films; she was a fantastically smart woman and storyteller.
Keith Olbermann: I can hear my “repub” father groan from here. A liberal talking head like no other, Keith’s my man. Oh and he has to bring Rachel Maddow, another regular political analyst on his show. She comes from a home away from home of mine (Northampton, MA.) and she’s just brilliant.
Condoleezza Rice: She gets a vodka tonic as soon as she arrives. This woman has to stand behind the current administration and defend its horrid decisions to the rest of the world. Make it a double for our soon to be pal, Condi.
Hillary: Another obvious choice. But she needs to leave her political aids, carefully crafted catch phrases and anger issues at the door – come and have some fun, Hill!
Paris Hilton: Let’s make it a party! And I mean, for diversity sake, her vapid comments will certainly keep some issues in perspective. Tinkerbelle (her Chihuahua) can come too I suppose, but she has GOT to bring her jail diary. Perhaps with some encouraging applause (and more vodka) she may even grant us a reading, can you imagine?
Janis Joplin: Oh, now it’s a REAL party!! Plus I am banking on some spontaneous vocals and good old fashioned rock star fun. Let’s put Hillary next to her.
Ani Difranco: Feminist, folk singer, poet, now mom – after listening to her music after all these years, she still speaks to me.
Tom Cruise: Are you kidding me with this guy? Tiny, over zealous and ego-centric to an alarming degree, I have got to see how he really makes sense of himself. He better let Katie have a night on her own. She needs it… desperately.
The Rolling Stones: Ok, they have seen every party and lived to tell about it. While also hoping for unprompted performances and a good time from them, I still feel their story telling could leave some of our more “smug” guests speechless. Keith Richards can sit at my end of the table.
Bill O’Reily: I need to keep the conversation provoking but (gag) I just don’t want to sit next to him. He’s really full of it (completely packed to the hilt, in fact) – and don’t you just get a certain “Mr. McFeely” vibe from him? Ew.
Khaled Housseni: Author of “The Kite Runner” and “A Thousand Splendid Suns”, he’s given me joy and heartbreak twice now. I need to know this man and learn more about his extraordinary country.
Naomi Wolf: Another feminist mom and amazing author who changed my perceptions on so much. We’ll sit her next to Bill and make him suffer. (Cue my evil cackle…. Muuaahahahaha….)
Jo Frost; AKA, “The Supernanny”: This reality TV star turns misbehaving children and horrible parenting around every Tuesday night. She’s wonderfully wise, “parentally” gifted and can hold her own with any of the “children” in attendance.
John Hughes: Creator of the BEST 80s teen movies ever, please can I sit next to him? (And maybe he can tell me more about that ever-so-dreamy guy who played Jake Ryan?)
Robin Williams: Guaranteed to keep things completely and utterly insane. And who else might convince Condi that singing Heart’s “Barracuda” karaoke style is a fantastic idea? He has to come. (And I think he just got divorced too. Who could I set him up with?)
Ryan Seacrest: Well, if karaoke is involved, he needs to be there to MC our show. He is the contemporary Dick Clark; he’s plugged into pop culture if anyone ever was and certainly must have a story or two to tell.
George Lucas: Creator and Director of all Star Wars movies, a legend in his own nerdy right. (And he needs to explain why he didn’t do a back story about Han Solo. For real.)
Ann Coulter: (cue Psycho knife wielding ‘weeee weeee weeee’ music) but it wouldn’t be a party without her, right?… Right?
Kathy Griffin: She is absolutely hysterical and will fearlessly ask ANY question for a laugh. Plus if you’ve seen her “stand up”, she has more dish on celebs than Paris has outfits for Tinkerbelle. Love it.
GW: Ugh, maybe he can stop in for just a drink, otherwise I may lose my appetite. I am having visions of Bill and Ann saddling up behind him, thugs and defenders of the evil empire. Honestly, my logic is that if I detest the man so much, I should suck it up and meet him so I can judge him fairly. But I will not be held accountable for the behavior of my other guests however, especially after all that vodka.
Ronald Reagan: Ok, Mr. Perfect–republican-that-current-conservatives-pine-for… What WAS so great about you? And I have my own bone to pick with you about ignoring the AIDS epidemic so you better watch out if I get a couple in me and grow me some “beer muscles”.
Britney Spears: Crazy as a loon and also from Hollywood, she can sit next to Ronald and keep him entertained. And maybe the Supernanny should hang out with her too… ya think?
My grandmother Caroline: she died before I was born, I was named after her, she was adored in her family – I would do anything to meet her and enjoy this absolutely insane party with her. Do you think she’d be up for some karaoke too?
“…good times never seem so good…”